


Alpha Centauri

by Missy_dee811



Category: Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Space, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bisexuality, F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Mechanic Tony Stark, POV Alternating, Past Abuse, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:35:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26769607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/pseuds/Missy_dee811
Summary: This is a one-way trip to Alpha Centauri. Much like the stars at the center of this binary star, Steve and Tony orbit one other.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Alpha Centauri

**Author's Note:**

> “Are you ready to start healing?”  
> “No, but my heart didn’t ask if it was ready to break, so why should it ask if it’s ready to heal? I thought she was the love of my life, but I had thought that once before too. This is different though,” he said.  
> “Oh?”  
> “I know, this time, it was real.”
> 
> A/N: This is an ongoing story, and I will post as I write.

Tony was standing on the balcony overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was dark now. A few, sparse clouds were making their way across the sky. It was not the best night for stargazing. He found he preferred it that way, for in due time, he would be among the stars. He could gaze at them all he wanted then, but he would never be able to see the clouds again.

It was a strange sensation, knowing he would depart from this planet, never to return. There were so many places he had never been, so many things he had never seen. He still had time to explore. To walk across the barren tundra, to scale the tallest mountains, and explore the deepest jungles. 

Soon, he would think back on this time. The memories of this night and the ones to come would sustain him. He would remember his home and his friends. He would remember their parting words, and their words of encouragement.

Tony turned, watching the waves break just before reaching the shore. It was the only way to distinguish sea from sky.

Tony wished he, too, could disappear. _It would be so easy_.

He could go for a walk along the shore, slid off his shoes just before reaching the sand. If he walked into the sea, none would be the wiser.

He shook his head, unsure what overcame him. He hadn’t had these kinds of thoughts in some time. He was getting better. The edges around his vision were crisper. He was more aware. Aware of his own tendencies, he knew how to keep them in check.

Perhaps, it was the late hour. Or perhaps, it was the occasion.

Before stepping out, he had poured himself some ginger ale with a splash of bourbon. He was cutting back but hadn’t stopped. He set himself hard limits: he didn’t drink when he was alone, he didn’t drink prior to eating, and he didn’t drink any dark liquors on their own. Hence, the ginger ale.

He knew it wasn’t enough, he knew he still had a problem, but he was managing it.

It was manageable.

The condensation coated his fingers. Why hadn’t he thought of taking a napkin when he had the chance?

He had only taken a few sips before slipping away. He made his way to the balcony quietly, hoping no one would note his absence. The music was still on and he could hear the murmurs of conversations. He didn’t need to be there. He didn’t need to be among them, at least, not right now.

He needed a moment to himself. He needed a moment with just his thoughts.

He found the crisp, cool air refreshing. June would bring with it the summer heat. He looked forward to sunbathing, to boat rides, and the water beneath his toes. He looked forward to hiking and stargazing from the mountaintops. He had never been much of an explorer, but things were about to change. He found himself in such a unique circumstance. How many people could say they were preparing to leave earth? How many people could say they were preparing to travel through space?

He needed to work on his tendencies, needed to work on his coping mechanisms, but he was eager. Eager to see what lay beyond the edges of the atmosphere. He was eager to see what was beyond earth’s gravitational pull.

His thoughts scattered, much like the clouds above the water.

He couldn’t believe he was thirty. For the first time in a long time, he was looking forward to the future. In a few days’ time, he’d be meeting the crew.

He couldn’t believe he would soon be leaving earth. Next year, he’d be celebrating his birthday on a spaceship with a crew he hadn’t yet met. He would be living a different life. For so long, he had wanted to escape. He wanted to leave the box to which he was confined, for the prodigal son was expected to follow in his father’s footsteps.

He had tried to do that. He had. It had never been easy, but he had done his best.

He had been running his father’s company since he was twenty-one. His parents had died in a car crash. Tony would never forget the day, never forget hearing the news. He was in Massachusetts, still in Cambridge, when he had received the call. He fell to the floor, agony washed over him. The last time he had seen his parents, he had argued with his father. It was one of many, many arguments they had had repeatedly.

He could still taste the bitterness.

He had accepted he and his father would never agree on matters. But he had also argued with his mother, and he never argued with his mother. Often, they saw eye-to-eye. Howard hated how much Tony reminded him of himself until he spoke, and when he spoke, he sounded like Maria.

The last memory he had of her was from that argument.

_No, no. That couldn_ _’t be it. That couldn’t be the last time. That couldn’t be the way we left things._

He had plans to go home, plans to spend the holidays with them.

_This couldn_ _’t be happening; this couldn’t be happening to him._

Jim had stood at the door, having overheard most of the conversation Tony had had with Jarvis. He was unsure what to say, or if the words he had would suffice. Jim had met both Howard and Maria and had seen them on numerous occasions. He was in as much shock as Tony was.

For Tony, the rest of the week, was a blur. There were so many phone calls. Phone calls and meetings with lawyers. Everything was urgent; everything needed his immediate attention. Tony was tired of hearing briefcases opening and closing. He was tired of manila folders. He was tired of signing his name on page after page after page. The documents never ended.

He couldn’t concentrate. Tony had never had problems concentrating. He had never struggled with completing tasks. And yet, here he was. Struggling to complete tasks. He had considered taking a leave of absence the following term. Jarvis and Jim had supported his decision, but then thought better of it.

Oh, he could’ve used the time to repose, but he needed to keep working. If the gears stopped, they would jam. 

Jim had offered Tony a place to stay for the holidays. Jarvis spent the holidays with his extended family and Tony, who had planned on spending the holidays with his parents, wasn’t looking forward to being alone. He had never loved the mansion, but now it was devoid of life. The little life it had.

Days before, Tony accepted. He arrived on Roberta Rhodes’ doorstep with a duffel. His dark red scarf was threatening to fly away, when she opened the door. He stood there, unsure what to do. Thankful she pulled him into a warm hug. He hugged her back. No one had hugged him in weeks, not since he learned the news and this simple act brought him to tears.

He returned to his studies the next term. He wasn’t old enough to take over his father’s company, and the board of directors didn’t trust him enough, but he was hoping by the summer, to have shown his worth.

It was then he met Sunset.

They were both present at a conference. She was one of the students presenting her research. She was a few years older than him. She was quick-witted, charismatic, and beautiful. Of course, Tony was smitten. When she spoke, everyone turned to face her. She met his eyes and smiled, knowingly. They kept dancing around each other, for the rest of the conference.

She came by his hotel room on the last night, and he let her in. Welcoming her.

Everyone had encouraged him. They’d told him it was a good thing. He was interested and clearly, she was too. There was nothing to fear. For so long, he had been alone. And now, he didn’t have to be.

Once inside, behind the locked door, she pulled him into a kiss. Her lips were soft, and she cradled his head as if he were something precious. He gave into the kiss, relaxing at her touch. 

She was everything he could’ve wanted and more. Until the facade started to slip, until her true colors started to show. She was controlling and manipulative. He was ensnared.

She had everyone wrapped around her finger.

No one would believe him. No one would believe she belittled him. No one would believe she kept watch and tracked his every move.

They all praised her for her work. She was a brilliant engineer. She created remarkable things. When questioned on her creative process, she was tight-lipped. The ideas she brought to fruition were much too like ones Tony had shared with her, but he didn’t think her capable of such treachery. He didn’t think she’d steal his ideas and use them to make a name for herself.

She had been the only bright light in his life, but lights that bright were blinding. Was he blinded?

She had pulled him out of the doldrums when no one else could. He was grateful, happy even. She saw something in him he didn’t see in herself. She brought out the best in him. And he kept trying to be worthy of her love, of her dedication.

He tried to meet her expectations. He tried to be the person she wanted him to be.

Tony had wanted to believe the wonderful woman he had met months ago, the one who had swept him off his feet was still there, under the hard veneer. He wanted to believe she cared. He wanted to believe she had his best interests in mind, but he couldn’t.

Not anymore.

He wasn’t vain enough to believe she was using him for his body. The sex was good. She preferred to control the situation, and Tony was happy to oblige. Seeing her please herself, knowing he had been the one to make her feel the way she did, it was more than enough validation. It had taken him some time to get used to the restraints she liked to use. He wasn’t allowed to seek his own pleasure. But it was fine, she was happy and satisfied, and that was more than enough.

Or so, he thought.

It was only after that he realized how warped his views were. She had seen a vulnerable young man, and she had taken advantage. He was hurting and insecure and she offered relief.

It wasn’t real. On some level, it had been real, but not in the way Tony had thought. Not in the way he had wanted. She didn’t love him. She loved his ideas, she loved using his body, and she loved having him as an accessory.

She had ingratiated herself. She had sought power and he was the perfect conduit. Once she had what she wanted, she had no need for him anymore.

Terrified and distraught, Tony was left to pick up the pieces. No one understood. He was conflicted.

She had been wonderful, and the first few months had been the best time of his life. But she had changed into someone unrecognizable. That woman didn’t love him, she didn’t care about. She only cared about what he could do for her. He didn’t miss her. She was manipulative, controlling, and an opportunist.

He knew he was better off without her, but the heart was irrational.

After some time, he confessed to Jarvis and Jim. He told them the truth. He told him what had happened, what had really happened. How he had been deceived.

They believed him. They believed him, and that was all that mattered.

He was leaning against the banister, enjoying the view offered by the parting clouds. Tony looked off into the distance. Before long, someone had joined him on the balcony.

He had heard the door slide open and their soft footsteps approach. He relaxed. He knew who it was, would always know when it was her.

Pepper closed the distance between them and put her hand on his free hand. Her fingers were cool to the touch.

She eyed him carefully. “You alright?”

He nodded.

They stood quietly contemplating the air around them. She knew he was lost in his thoughts and squeezed his hand. She was caught by surprise when he pulled her into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her and nestled in the nook of her neck, careful to make sure the drink in his hand didn’t spill down her back.

She was warm; it was the residual heat from being indoors. And he could still smell her shampoo. _Coconut_. Coconut and a hint of something else, something decidedly Pepper. 

She hugged him tighter. “Oh, Tony, what is it?”

“I’m happy you’re here, Pep. That’s all,” said Tony.

He pulled away. He didn’t want to bring up Sunset. He didn’t want her to think it was more than a passing thought. He was reminiscing, but he didn’t want anything to do with Sunset. Once had been more than enough.

“I was worried. I didn’t see you in the house, but then I spotted you out here. Don’t worry, no one else took note. I just —”

“Thank you for looking out for me,” said Tony.

He didn’t mean just now either. She was always looking out for him. Their friendship had had its ups and downs, but she had never stopped keeping an eye out for him.

Tony took another swig of his neglected drink. Pepper didn’t comment though she could smell the whiskey. He had promised he wouldn’t drink excessively, and she wanted to take him at his word.

“So, thirty?”

She said, smiling. He turned to face her and returned the smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe,” he said.

“Not really. You and I have been for about five years,” she said.

“No, it couldn’t have been that long,” said Tony, incredulously.

Tony had hired Pepper as his Personal Assistant years ago. It had taken a long time to fill the position. He had been looking for someone capable, who was unafraid to call him out when necessary. Most of the qualified candidates he had interviewed were too eager. They were too eager to please and too eager to pacify. He wanted to work with someone who would challenge him. Someone who wouldn’t let him get talked into doing something he would come to regret.

He wanted someone with integrity, with the courage to speak their mind. Pepper was that person.

She was hired to be his eyes and ears. She took the minutes during meetings. She responded to calls and emails. She sent missives. And she was great at her job; always attentive.

_The relationship was strictly professional, at first. Jim hadn_ _’t been surprised when Tony confessed to having feelings for her._

_“Your PA?”_

_“Yes,” said Tony, miserably._

_“The redhead?”_

_“Yes. Look, I only have one PA. And she’s good at her job,” said Tony._

_“I noticed. She answers your emails in a timely fashion. Never thought I’d see the day,” said Jim._

_Tony sighed._ _“She’s too good for me to fire.”_

_“Why would you fire her?”_

_“I’m her boss. It’s a conflict of interest. And if it got out, I wouldn’t want people to think I’d taken advantage of her or forced her into a situation she didn’t want to be in,” said Tony._

_“Firing her_ _is a situation she wouldn_ _’t want to be in, and people would think it’s retaliation,” said Jim._

_“Damn, you’re right. So, what should I say?”_

_“Tell her the truth. Let her make the decision. Let her know you’ll support her regardless. Assure her she’d have the best recommendation,” said Jim._

_“What would I do without you?”_

_“Make terrible decisions, like firing your amazing PA because you have a crush on her that won’t go away.”_

_“When you put it like that…”_

_“Just talk to her in the morning,” said Jim._

_Tony nodded. It didn_ _’t ease his anxiety, but there was nothing he could do until morning. It didn’t stop him from pouring over legal documents, searching for an answer._

_The next morning, Tony arrived early. Earlier than Pepper would. She dropped her handbag on her desk, next to her mouse, and turned. She was surprised to see Tony so early. He was already going through the emails that had come in the night before._

_He heard the door swing open._

_“Good morning, Mr. Stark,” she said, softly._

_“Good morning, Ms. Potts.”_

_He motioned for her to come in and take the seat before him. She was wearing a white dress suit. The pencil skirt accentuated her curves. He was doing his level best not to stare._

_“I —”_

_He started before she cut him off._

_“I’m putting in my two weeks’ notice,” she said abruptly._

_“What,” said Tony, taken aback._

_He smoothed the front of his tie and took a steadying breath. This wasn_ _’t going according to plan._

_“Are you dissatisfied, is that why you’re leaving?”_

_Before she could answer, he held up a hand._

_“That came out wrong. I don’t need to know why you’re leaving, but if there’s anything I could do to make you stay, I would,” he said._

_She nodded. She stood and turned to leave._

_“Ms. Potts,” he said, struggling to find the words. He didn’t want her to leave and he really didn’t want her to leave without knowing. He vacillated between telling her to have a good day and confessing that he had feelings for her. If she was leaving, what harm would come? And if she decided to stay?_

_“Mr. Stark, I have enjoyed my time here, I just —”_

_“Pepper,” he said._

_There was a hint of desperation in his voice._ _“Please don’t go.”_

_“Tony, we both know this is inappropriate,” she said._

_She knew, of course._

_“I will step-down,” said Tony._

_He stood and made his way to where she was standing. They were obscured from view if anyone were walking down the hall, for as unlikely as that was at this time of the morning._

_He took her hand in his._ _“I can step down and name my successor. This is still my company, but I don’t have to be in a C-Suite. Besides, you’re better at this than I am,” he said._

_“Tony, what are you saying?”_

_“Virginia Potts, do you want to be my successor? Do you want a promotion?”_

_She stood before him, transfixed, but slowly nodded. Tony pulled her into a hug._

_“Well then, Ms. Potts, I do believe this is cause for celebration —”_

_Before he could finish, she pulled him into a kiss, and he laughed into it._

“I didn’t wish you a happy birthday earlier,” said Pepper, shyly.

Tony smiled. He was still looking to the ocean, but she had turned her back, and was facing him.

“Thank you,” he said, sincerely.

“Thirty? Wow.”

“Oh, don’t you start,” said Tony. There was a playfulness to his tone.

“I’m still in my twenties,” she said.

“Just barely,” he added.

“Still counts,” she said. There was a finality in her voice.

They stood in companionable silence for some time. Tony finished the rest of his drink and set down his glass. He hoped he wouldn’t forget it when he went back into the house but would pick it up tomorrow if he forgot. He was watching the waves crash upon the shore and the clouds move across the sky. She was watching him and watching the other partygoers still inside. After some more time she cleared her throat.

“Tony?”

“Yes, Pep.”

“I’m going to miss you. When you’re… When you’re gone,” she said, softly.

He turned to face her and pushed her hair out of her face. He cupped her cheek, wiping the tears away. He would miss her, too. He would miss her and Jim the most.

“Me too, Pep. Me too,” he said.

He pulled her into a hug. He ran his fingers through her hair, it was longer now than it had been when they first met, years ago.

He thought back to those days, when they were still together. He would always love her, would always think fondly of their time together, but they weren’t compatible. They wanted different things in life. She wanted the kind of simplicity Tony couldn’t offer her without sacrificing a part of himself he wasn’t willing to shed. She ended things amicably.

After their breakup, he took an extended leave of absence. Gossip magazines published all sorts of outrageous lies about her, about their relationship. It wasn’t fair to her. She had been a tremendous partner. He had been the one to let her down. Gossip magazines aren’t known for their nuance though. They dragged her through the mud.

Ultimately, he was forced to give an interview.

He took his time finding an interviewer. She had to have the right voice, the right approach. Someone who understood. He read many, many different interviews. Finally, he found her. The right person to tell this story.

Normally, he would’ve had his PA arrange the interview, but considering his PA was no longer in that position, and transitioning into a new role, so he’d have to do it himself.

He composed an email. He let her know he’d gladly arrange all accommodations for her. She only needed to state her preferences — flight time, hotel, and the like. Happy would be waiting for her at the gate and would take her to her hotel. If she wanted a tour of his home, he could arrange for that. Likewise, if she wanted a tour of his offices. And if she wanted to do both, they’d make time.

Tony hadn’t been able to find a suitable replacement. He couldn’t stop thinking he was replacing Pepper, which was absurd. He wasn’t replacing Pepper. They were still friends and she still worked for the company. He was just looking for a new assistant.

It didn’t matter how often he told himself that, he couldn’t stop thinking the Pepper he knew and loved was gone, and this new Pepper — the one who was no longer his assistant, and also, no longer his girlfriend — was someone else. It wasn’t entirely untrue either. As time passed, people changed. Not that much time had passed, and people didn’t change that quickly.

And moreover, he couldn’t do his job and hers. Jim had teased him, saying he was pickier with assistants than with girlfriends. Tony hadn’t found it funny; the wound was too fresh. Picking at a scab would only make it bleed.

“Sorry, man,” said Jim, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I know this is rough.”

“Yeah,” said Tony.

He had read a few of the articles she had published before hiring her. She had flown in early and opted for a late night rather than an early morning. Tony didn’t mind. He didn’t sleep much anyway. He had always been a night owl, but now, he just didn’t sleep. Often staying up well into the night before crashing on the couch, or worse yet, the cot in his workshop.

In a panic, he thought of what his mother would do in this situation. He was having a guest come over for dinner. This called for a home-cooked meal.

He searched his kitchen until he found the cookbook. It was one of the few things of hers he kept in this house. There was the piano in the center of the living room and a chandelier overheard, both had been hers too. This though, this was more personal than either of those.

He kept the cookbook in one of the drawers for ease of access. He didn’t cook often, but if he did, it was one of these recipes. He flipped through the pages. He thought of making _sugo all’arrabbiata but_ thought better of it. And after rummaging through his fridge, he settled on carbonara. He had all the ingredients he would need on hand.

He fried the finely chopped bacon in its own fat. While that cooked, he whisked the eggs, Pecorino cheese, and black pepper in a small bowl. Once the bucatini was cooked and drained, he poured the it over the pasta, and stirred. It smelled wonderful. He served the pasta and added a bit of parsley as garnish. His mother would be proud.

Just as he finished, he heard the doorbell ring. He looked down. He was still wearing dress pants. He had taken off his suit jacket and had rolled up his sleeves but hadn’t bothered to change.

_He answered the door._ _“Welcome,” he said. He stood to the side and let her walk in, in full view of the house._

_“Wow.”_

_She walked through the house and into the kitchen, at which point, she stopped, and turned back to look at him._ _“You made us dinner? Can’t say I’ve had many men make me dinner.”_

_“That’s a real shame. You’re worth a home-cooked meal.”_

_“And if I wasn’t?”_

_“I’ve would’ve ordered takeout from a great restaurant.”_

_She smiled._

_“Now, do you want me to eat first, or should I start?”_

_Tony raised his hands in defeat._ _“Oh, no. That’s for you to decide.”_

_They ate in amicable silence. She enjoyed the meal, and Tony chastised himself for not making more. However, she said she was full, and probably wouldn_ _’t have finished a second portion. Then, they started talking._

_Tony asked about her flight, if this was her first time in Los Angeles. He wondered how she got her start in this industry. She wondered about the house — its design, its construction. She was amazed to hear Tony had designed it himself and built it on this cliff because he_ _’d been told it couldn’t be done and he needed to prove himself. He added, “I was young and…a bit of a show-off.”_

_“You’re not a show-off?”_

_“No, not really. Not like that.”_

_“I flew you here, had my personal chauffeur pick you, and cooked for you. All this, to tell you why my ex-girlfriend and I broke up.”_

_“Thought she broke it off.”_

_“She did, but it was mutual.”_

_“How so?”_

_“She loves me, and I love her. We both want to be in each other’s lives just… Not in the way we had once thought. This is harder for me than a clean cut. This wound is deeper, it heals much more slowly.”_

_“Are you ready to start healing?”_

_“No, but my heart didn’t ask if it was ready to break, so why should it ask if it’s ready to heal? I thought she was the love of my life, but I had thought that once before too. This is different though,” he said._

_“Oh?”_

_“I know, this time, it was real.”_

_They talked some more. Tony showed her around, but didn_ _’t bring her downstairs, or into his workshop. He wasn’t comfortable sharing that. His bedroom and his workshop were his, and he was territorial._

_After the tour ended, they made their way to the balcony. He offered her something to drink, but she declined. He poured himself whiskey on the rocks. It calmed his nerves, and suddenly, he found himself nervous. She was a professional. And suddenly, he was afraid of revealing too much about himself. Both to her, and her readers._

_“What we discussed at dinner, that was off the record. Unless you want it to be on record. From here on, I will be taking notes,” she said._

_He nodded._

_She asked him about his youth, his plans for the company, and his plans moving forward. They talked about music and books. Tony told her about his pet project: restoring vintage cars. She asked to see them, and he led her to the garage. There, they talked some more. Until they lost track of time, of the hour of the day._

_He asked if she wanted him to call a cab, and she shook her head. He offered her the guest room instead, and she accepted._

_As they were walking up the stairs, she asked,_ _“Can I be honest?”_

_“I hope so, after all I’ve said,” said Tony, at the top of the stairs. He crossed his arms; defensive._

_“I had hoped I’d like you, but I didn’t think I would.”_

_“And now?”_

_“And now, I see why women fall for you,” she said. Now, at the top of the stairs. She stood inches from him._

_“Have you?” Tony didn’t move. He could feel the heat radiating off her, and he was tempted, but he wouldn’t move. If she took the first step, he would take the next, but he wasn’t going to initiate._

_“Haven’t decided,” she said, with a smile._

_She was beautiful. She had long, dark hair. She was an attentive listener, and her perfume was divine. She was clever too, and witty. If he took another step, there would be no going back. And he didn_ _’t… He didn’t want her to think he had done all of this to bed her, when that hadn’t been the case until moments ago. Now, he was contemplating if it was worth sleeping with the woman he had hired to write about his break-up._

_He shook his head, and stepped away, leaving her standing there, as conflicted as he had been._ _“Well, good night, Jessica,” he said._

_“Good night, Tony,” she said, at last._

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr. You can reblog its post [here](https://viudanegraaa.tumblr.com/post/630852214391554048/alpha-centauri-missydee811-marvel-616).


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